You Don't Know My Pain (iwish I could talk to someone)

Don't worry peoples this one is not about her even though she did make me made i love her and for the first time I can actually say I kno she loves me too... Even though like tonite i was goin through it and i needed... well wanted her to be there for me i just wanted that pink nd black font to pop up on my screen nd read "aww baby wats rong" I would been all better then but nooooo she was too buzy tlkin to other ppl (sigh) idk but back to business
This one is kinda just about me: okay so like.....I think that its time for me to let some things nd ppl out of my life. i need to get my real friends straight and let some things from my past go. These people just keep popping up from before and it like dang what do you want?
I had this talk with my mom the other day and we both started crying from stuff that happened before wayy back on 180 Cheltenham Ave. and its like wow we rlly came a long way from that. And thats exactly where i want it to stay. Now its like i don't want the ghosts nd the nightmares from my past to reappear. I don't wanna have to be afraid to go to sleep at night in fear of what I might dream about... I don't wanna wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night then sit up in fear to go back to sleep. I want things to stay the way they are...
& it kills me cuz some of my closest friends say they get me and its like you have no idea... I still really haven't really found that one person tho that I can really open up to I don't know if I ever will.. Its not that im willing its just every other friend i really got close to just let me down so i mean yea i have bestfriends but that real deep closeness will always be just out of my comfort zone. But people don't know have the stuff I've been through, seen,....done... any of it and it just amazes me when people try to tell me that they get me its like just wow.... Finally I guess i want all my friends to be happy i mean I try to do everything i can to solve their problems but then its either im meddling or i mess up in the act and screw sum1 else over and liek ugh.. yea you get it (ihope).... Oh nd also to.... you AM4 why do you still love me i mean you can't make me feel this way i mean ugh i hate you for doing this but at the same time when i occasionally see you its like damn i had that and it was good too but you didn't wanna trust me or just keep your gosh darn mouth shut... I still remember that day we walked the city Ugh i still think about that day sometimes and I really loved it...(dispite who was there)....i have no right to leave and I have every right to leave.... what our past was is nothing more that a tattoo as jordan sparks said... it will always be there but it can never be anything more than what it is a tattoo.... i guess thats it for right now I got some big decisions to make in my life and a short time to make them so wish me luck ppl.... SC? SS? I hate myself for even typing that!

-SLiM