I need

i need you to actually show you care
i can't keep beeing sad then not being able to live without your ass
I can't keep crying over you when the only time you give a damn about me is on ichat or the fone.
I just need you to care... I don't want this to keep happening...
i just need you to say something to me.... anything... Then i hear about you talked to HIM and hugged HIM and even rested your head on HIS shoulder... I mean damn I love you he tried to fuckin play you all last yr... You were even just mad at him like damn thats the type of shit that just makes me feel.....

[sigh] If you only knew how much A.M. loves me.... You wouldn't act like this.. you would do everything in you power then... Maybe not... most likely not.... you wouldnt.

I'm left with the question:
Why am I still here trying to squeeze water out of a rock when I can have the whole ocean?.....

-SLiM

My Thoughts:

When I say I'm in love with you
I want you to say your in love with me too
When I say i want to spend the rest of my life with you
I want you to say you want to spend the rest of your life with me too
But I guess we can't always get what we want huh...
I can't make you feel the same way, but it would be nice sometimes....

It seems like in this relationship your words speak a lot louder than your actions do. i mean the only time your actions speak at all is when i bring them out. I have to entice them to come out like a baby being trained how to walk and stand on its on. Little by little, bit by bit.
You said I'm fuckin over exaggerating?
Oh The fucking kay like you really got that one like damn
I expect a lot of people to say that but damn not my own damn bay nd shit the one that supposedly loves me so damn much.
You're not even bay right fuckin now you're just "the girl who said im over exaggerating."
Like damn i didn't know it was a fucking crime to care about the relationship well hmm
that would explain why the fuck you don't care.
But damn though like I don't understand.....

Fuck people too. my mom hit the nail right on the fuckin head when she said.
"Half the people you call bestfriends don't give a damn about you. They just using you cuz your slim and they know they can have big fun and for what you can do for them." I should have listened to you mom you were so fuckin right....
I'm sick of people making everything about them like.. am I not a person? DO I NOT HAVE FUCKIN PROBLEMS TOO?
damn god forbid you at least ask me how I am.
Cutting some people off now i don't give a fuck how you feel
One of my friends prolly like my girl nd shit, my so called "bestie" only wanna talk about This guy she like, nd this other....female.... Only fuckin complains about her damn problems like stop takin everything to fuckin heart nd grow the fuck up! Your gonna be fuckin talked about in your lifetime get the fuck over it this is fuckin highschool like damn.... I just need a selfless friend right now.....

I gotta try to finish my damn Block paper with all this crap on my mind.... If i don't get an A on this paper best believe I will be pissed....

-SLiM

You Don't Know My Pain (iwish I could talk to someone)

Don't worry peoples this one is not about her even though she did make me made i love her and for the first time I can actually say I kno she loves me too... Even though like tonite i was goin through it and i needed... well wanted her to be there for me i just wanted that pink nd black font to pop up on my screen nd read "aww baby wats rong" I would been all better then but nooooo she was too buzy tlkin to other ppl (sigh) idk but back to business
This one is kinda just about me: okay so like.....I think that its time for me to let some things nd ppl out of my life. i need to get my real friends straight and let some things from my past go. These people just keep popping up from before and it like dang what do you want?
I had this talk with my mom the other day and we both started crying from stuff that happened before wayy back on 180 Cheltenham Ave. and its like wow we rlly came a long way from that. And thats exactly where i want it to stay. Now its like i don't want the ghosts nd the nightmares from my past to reappear. I don't wanna have to be afraid to go to sleep at night in fear of what I might dream about... I don't wanna wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night then sit up in fear to go back to sleep. I want things to stay the way they are...
& it kills me cuz some of my closest friends say they get me and its like you have no idea... I still really haven't really found that one person tho that I can really open up to I don't know if I ever will.. Its not that im willing its just every other friend i really got close to just let me down so i mean yea i have bestfriends but that real deep closeness will always be just out of my comfort zone. But people don't know have the stuff I've been through, seen,....done... any of it and it just amazes me when people try to tell me that they get me its like just wow.... Finally I guess i want all my friends to be happy i mean I try to do everything i can to solve their problems but then its either im meddling or i mess up in the act and screw sum1 else over and liek ugh.. yea you get it (ihope).... Oh nd also to.... you AM4 why do you still love me i mean you can't make me feel this way i mean ugh i hate you for doing this but at the same time when i occasionally see you its like damn i had that and it was good too but you didn't wanna trust me or just keep your gosh darn mouth shut... I still remember that day we walked the city Ugh i still think about that day sometimes and I really loved it...(dispite who was there)....i have no right to leave and I have every right to leave.... what our past was is nothing more that a tattoo as jordan sparks said... it will always be there but it can never be anything more than what it is a tattoo.... i guess thats it for right now I got some big decisions to make in my life and a short time to make them so wish me luck ppl.... SC? SS? I hate myself for even typing that!

-SLiM

Losing People (1 Last Time)

Because of your ass some people are starting to feel certain ways about me
They don't say it But I can tell what they are feeling
Your wasted and still are wasting my time
Lie you make me so fucking angry it doesn't make sense
Like right now im feeling so much but I don't even know what to write
I didn't even finish my damn hw cuz' i don't fucking know what to write
Because I can't fucking concentrate
I sware If I lose my bestfriends
Because I can't help the way I'm acting because I can't help the way your acting
I will never forgive you for that
This relationship seems like its about who has more power over who
I'm not trying to play that game but obviously you are...
& you know what
fuck it
im going to have to lose
tomorrow
I'm sorry inner-self but
I just can't do this anymore
like this happens everyday
maybe i should just talk to her
not on no lovey shit
hell fucking no
just tell her look this can't keep happening we can't continue on like this
yea that's what ill do....
I'm gonna put myself out there for her
1 last time
this is it for me
I swear tomorrow is it
do or die
i hate how I'm the one trying
I'm the one dying
I AM THE ONE CRYING
not you
I don't care wtf you say
nd yet at the same time i still trust you...
It would be some real fucking salty shit if i got out and get shot then what
where the fuck would you be then
fuckin salty as shit
I just want to scream.....
Look at what your doing
I HATE YOU
but love you at the same time......
I changed this game for your ass
those wasn't just words
I meant that shit
with all my damn heart....
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
..............
Why are you doing this
why......
why........
why..........
I need to know
I need to
I need you...
i can't keep crying........
I can't keep trying....
i can't make you love me if that's something you wont feel
or don't want to feel
you will never get over what i did
but yet i forgive you
for everything you do?
or should i say don't do....
FUCK YOU
I swear this is it 1 last chance
i promise my heart
this is your last chance
ha look at this...crying agen...not nothing new for these past 2 weeks now
thats been the norm
Once again...It's all on you.......
Will you let me live?
or will you let me die............

Chat with her..... (WOW)

HEY
hello
WASSUP?
nothing
WHY SO CONFUSED?
....
?
you shuld already kno
but i gess u dnt
NO
okay well then just 4get it
UMMM OK

(she's in the caps)
you are so fucking oblivious to my feelings
you truly don't care
umm ok tho?
wow
i mean
all i can say
is wow.....
and yet i still love you.....
isn't that some fucked up shit.....

Pain

I love you
i love you so damn much
I'm willing to put all my feelings..... all my pride.... all my everything aside for you
just so we can be together
I will let you walk all over me(not like you already haven't) just so you will let me love you
I will do everything in this relationship you don't have to say anything to me....
I go outside
I see all these happy couples and i think that could be us...
SHOULD be us
I listen to every sad song known to man and think about you
.......
I can't make you love me
your words don't mean shit
I have done everything for you and this is how you pay me back
All I wanna do is sit in a corner and rot away
and you know i love you because i have all these other girls on my dick
but they don't mean shit
not shit to me
they can never and will never amount up to anything i feel for you
I don't understand
I love you so much but its like you don't care
you take my love for granted
its like you see it as a concert
you came for the entertainment....
the rush
the thrill
but after the show was over i was the one that performed my heart out....
you just listened
I invited you to come on stage and you turned the other way
you laughed like it was some kind of sick joke
you stood by and watched me beg and plead and pour my heart out
I feel backstabbed
I got down on my knees kissed the god damn ground you walked on
but you spat in my face
yet I still came back
all these people telling me to let go move on you can find someone better
but i believed in what you told me
I believed you loved me
i believed that you really cared
(ironic I'm writing this on april fools)
the jokes on me....i'm the fool
Babyface said:
"I'm not saying this to shake you up
I'm just saying this to wake you up
It's all good when we making love
ALL I ASK IS DON'T TAKE MY LOVE
FOR GRANTED
IT'S GRANTED
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS REAL
but...
if you won't love me.....
somebody else will"

I would do anything for you
I would take the worst beating imaginable
if it meant we would be together
I see your face
with every punch I take
and every bone I break
Is all for you....
My worst pains
are the actions you will not take(I added this line)
But still
I will always fight on for you
-Yellowcard

I can't keep doing this
I can't keep feeling this way
I have people that need me to be strong for them
So I'll try....for as long as I can to survive
I will try
I will try.....

It Was All On You

i tried to do everything I could for you
I spoke words I never said to anyone else but you
I gave you my heart
I gave you my trust
But you threw it all away
Like it was some piece of dust
Maybe to you it was
Maybe you just didn't care
This is what its come to
You leave me feeling bare
Where do I go From here please please tell me
Cuz without you in my life
Its like Im blind I won't be able to see
I guess Im gonna have to now
Cuz this is the end for us
All the trust is gone
That don't mean I don't still love you
That will always remain
You made a promise you couldn't keep
i doubt Ill be getting any sleep...
It was all on you
& this is what you do....

Thank you a whole fuckin bunch

Bittersweet

Yes I got her back its true..... but this feeling is bitter sweet......... On one hand she really is all i ever wanted and i mean she's trying that's all i ever wanted her to do but like if she mess up then I'm in this position of damn what the hell I trusted her and i should have made her prove it first but i trust her and I love her with all my heart so like I'm gonna remain optimistic.....i mean everything seems to be falling back into place but i gotta get back to the old me in school and start fuckin bakin' again but yea thats it for today ppl's ard Deuces!

-||S+S||

*Bakin = doing good

Loves not what it says but what it does (action word)

I don't know how this even happened one week i was the happiest i probably ever had been in my life.....then the next we got right back to fighting..... THey say that these events make us stronger.... i think thats true but then again its not fair when it only makes one person stronger and the other person just lose strength.... One person tries to do everything they can while the other just sits back and relaxes...... I mean I've cried for like these past couple days and like that's just not me i just don't cry i mean unless its something real major then okay but like damn..... & the fucked up part about it is I kissed her ass when i did wrong and I KNOW IM NOT EVEN GONNA GET SHIT BACK!!!! Like I don't want her to kiss my ass but she say she cares so I mean I at least want her to show it..(yet she wonders why I don't believe her when she says she loves me) .... I mean I'm hurt bloggers & idk where to go from here

-||S+S|| no more......