I feel like no matter what I do or say you can never really love me
I feel like everytime I try to make myself a better person or get close to it you have to "figure out what you want"
I feel like you could never LOVE me but you can love me the way you do everyone else
I feel like you're trying to make yourself feel something your heart just won't feel
I feel like there are certain conditions in which you love me under
I feel like if I'm happy and there's no problems we're fine
I feel like as soon as I feel some kind of way about one little thing all your feelings towards me are up for grabs
I feel like you never really loved me from the start
I feel like you thought you did
I feel like I'm giving all I can but it doesn't matter to you
I feel broken
I feel like we did this in vain
I feel like I need you
I feel like I want you
I feel like I don't need you anymore
I feel like I want some1 to shut down my heart
I feel like I can never love again
I feel like I'm afraid to
I feel like no1 can ever mean as much to me as you do
I feel confused
I feel devastated
I feel crushed
I feel lied to
I feel betrayed
I feel worthless
I feel like crying
I feel like trying so hard to change this, to change my wrongs to do over my "rights"
I feel like I need you because I love you
I feel like dying
Monday, March 22, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
No first letters...
But I mean i guess we can't
This other girl means nothing to me
i mean i feel like if anything I should think you have something going on but its like
I trust you
I feel like we can't get anywhere without trust
and its like now that you don't trust me
I just don't know i mean
I just feel hurt
and its like i've actually reached a point where im tired of living with a whole heart
maybe us being apart is better than being together
I feel like you want to talk to other people...
maybe it was selfish of my that forever could actually be applied to our two names
I gess i thought about what i wanted for once in my life then what would be best for someone else
i apologize
i was wrong
you just let me know what you want
and i'll live with that decision
i gess i'll have to learn to be my own hero and be strong for myself.
it'll be hard but i haven't made it this far to just give up
at this point i really don't know if we should be together
i mean everything gets questioned really but i mean i fully trust you
but honestly i think that
whatever "shocked" you yesterday is the reason for this
it prolly was him or it coulda been him for all i kno it could be some1 i dnt kno about but i mean w/e its you're life you do what's best for you
you said that we aren't as close?
i don't see that seeing as how i tell you everything that goes on in my life
i mean when i say everything i literally mean EVERYTHING
and its like you won't share or tell anything to me unless i ask
maybe you feel the same way about me
i wouldn't know because you dnt tell me anything
so hey
one last thing
don't think
that
you can pull one of those drop me
then pick me back up the next time you feel like it...
or you "think i've learned my lesson"
that's all i'm going to say
in conclusion,
you do what's best for your life
and i'll think of something.
just be TRULY happy and that'll at least put a smile on my face.
This other girl means nothing to me
i mean i feel like if anything I should think you have something going on but its like
I trust you
I feel like we can't get anywhere without trust
and its like now that you don't trust me
I just don't know i mean
I just feel hurt
and its like i've actually reached a point where im tired of living with a whole heart
maybe us being apart is better than being together
I feel like you want to talk to other people...
maybe it was selfish of my that forever could actually be applied to our two names
I gess i thought about what i wanted for once in my life then what would be best for someone else
i apologize
i was wrong
you just let me know what you want
and i'll live with that decision
i gess i'll have to learn to be my own hero and be strong for myself.
it'll be hard but i haven't made it this far to just give up
at this point i really don't know if we should be together
i mean everything gets questioned really but i mean i fully trust you
but honestly i think that
whatever "shocked" you yesterday is the reason for this
it prolly was him or it coulda been him for all i kno it could be some1 i dnt kno about but i mean w/e its you're life you do what's best for you
you said that we aren't as close?
i don't see that seeing as how i tell you everything that goes on in my life
i mean when i say everything i literally mean EVERYTHING
and its like you won't share or tell anything to me unless i ask
maybe you feel the same way about me
i wouldn't know because you dnt tell me anything
so hey
one last thing
don't think
that
you can pull one of those drop me
then pick me back up the next time you feel like it...
or you "think i've learned my lesson"
that's all i'm going to say
in conclusion,
you do what's best for your life
and i'll think of something.
just be TRULY happy and that'll at least put a smile on my face.
First Letters
I've been doing some thinking and i don't know what conclusions i've come too. Its like
Like really try so hard for a negative result.
Often its just i mean its just soo hard.
Very recently its just been hard cuz like i want to be with you with all my heart.
Even all my soul every part of me doesn't want to live without you.
You make me feel invincible when we're together like nothing else even matters.
Occasionally i know i'm difficult and not be the most perfect person but i don't know.
Usually i feel like after everything we've been through that we could survive anything.
Like really try so hard for a negative result.
Often its just i mean its just soo hard.
Very recently its just been hard cuz like i want to be with you with all my heart.
Even all my soul every part of me doesn't want to live without you.
You make me feel invincible when we're together like nothing else even matters.
Occasionally i know i'm difficult and not be the most perfect person but i don't know.
Usually i feel like after everything we've been through that we could survive anything.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I need
i need you to actually show you care
i can't keep beeing sad then not being able to live without your ass
I can't keep crying over you when the only time you give a damn about me is on ichat or the fone.
I just need you to care... I don't want this to keep happening...
i just need you to say something to me.... anything... Then i hear about you talked to HIM and hugged HIM and even rested your head on HIS shoulder... I mean damn I love you he tried to fuckin play you all last yr... You were even just mad at him like damn thats the type of shit that just makes me feel.....
[sigh] If you only knew how much A.M. loves me.... You wouldn't act like this.. you would do everything in you power then... Maybe not... most likely not.... you wouldnt.
I'm left with the question:
Why am I still here trying to squeeze water out of a rock when I can have the whole ocean?.....
-SLiM
i can't keep beeing sad then not being able to live without your ass
I can't keep crying over you when the only time you give a damn about me is on ichat or the fone.
I just need you to care... I don't want this to keep happening...
i just need you to say something to me.... anything... Then i hear about you talked to HIM and hugged HIM and even rested your head on HIS shoulder... I mean damn I love you he tried to fuckin play you all last yr... You were even just mad at him like damn thats the type of shit that just makes me feel.....
[sigh] If you only knew how much A.M. loves me.... You wouldn't act like this.. you would do everything in you power then... Maybe not... most likely not.... you wouldnt.
I'm left with the question:
Why am I still here trying to squeeze water out of a rock when I can have the whole ocean?.....
-SLiM
Monday, April 27, 2009
My Thoughts:
When I say I'm in love with you
I want you to say your in love with me too
When I say i want to spend the rest of my life with you
I want you to say you want to spend the rest of your life with me too
But I guess we can't always get what we want huh...
I can't make you feel the same way, but it would be nice sometimes....
It seems like in this relationship your words speak a lot louder than your actions do. i mean the only time your actions speak at all is when i bring them out. I have to entice them to come out like a baby being trained how to walk and stand on its on. Little by little, bit by bit.
You said I'm fuckin over exaggerating?
Oh The fucking kay like you really got that one like damn
I expect a lot of people to say that but damn not my own damn bay nd shit the one that supposedly loves me so damn much.
You're not even bay right fuckin now you're just "the girl who said im over exaggerating."
Like damn i didn't know it was a fucking crime to care about the relationship well hmm
that would explain why the fuck you don't care.
But damn though like I don't understand.....
Fuck people too. my mom hit the nail right on the fuckin head when she said.
"Half the people you call bestfriends don't give a damn about you. They just using you cuz your slim and they know they can have big fun and for what you can do for them." I should have listened to you mom you were so fuckin right....
I'm sick of people making everything about them like.. am I not a person? DO I NOT HAVE FUCKIN PROBLEMS TOO?
damn god forbid you at least ask me how I am.
Cutting some people off now i don't give a fuck how you feel
One of my friends prolly like my girl nd shit, my so called "bestie" only wanna talk about This guy she like, nd this other....female.... Only fuckin complains about her damn problems like stop takin everything to fuckin heart nd grow the fuck up! Your gonna be fuckin talked about in your lifetime get the fuck over it this is fuckin highschool like damn.... I just need a selfless friend right now.....
I gotta try to finish my damn Block paper with all this crap on my mind.... If i don't get an A on this paper best believe I will be pissed....
-SLiM
I want you to say your in love with me too
When I say i want to spend the rest of my life with you
I want you to say you want to spend the rest of your life with me too
But I guess we can't always get what we want huh...
I can't make you feel the same way, but it would be nice sometimes....
It seems like in this relationship your words speak a lot louder than your actions do. i mean the only time your actions speak at all is when i bring them out. I have to entice them to come out like a baby being trained how to walk and stand on its on. Little by little, bit by bit.
You said I'm fuckin over exaggerating?
Oh The fucking kay like you really got that one like damn
I expect a lot of people to say that but damn not my own damn bay nd shit the one that supposedly loves me so damn much.
You're not even bay right fuckin now you're just "the girl who said im over exaggerating."
Like damn i didn't know it was a fucking crime to care about the relationship well hmm
that would explain why the fuck you don't care.
But damn though like I don't understand.....
Fuck people too. my mom hit the nail right on the fuckin head when she said.
"Half the people you call bestfriends don't give a damn about you. They just using you cuz your slim and they know they can have big fun and for what you can do for them." I should have listened to you mom you were so fuckin right....
I'm sick of people making everything about them like.. am I not a person? DO I NOT HAVE FUCKIN PROBLEMS TOO?
damn god forbid you at least ask me how I am.
Cutting some people off now i don't give a fuck how you feel
One of my friends prolly like my girl nd shit, my so called "bestie" only wanna talk about This guy she like, nd this other....female.... Only fuckin complains about her damn problems like stop takin everything to fuckin heart nd grow the fuck up! Your gonna be fuckin talked about in your lifetime get the fuck over it this is fuckin highschool like damn.... I just need a selfless friend right now.....
I gotta try to finish my damn Block paper with all this crap on my mind.... If i don't get an A on this paper best believe I will be pissed....
-SLiM
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
You Don't Know My Pain (iwish I could talk to someone)
Don't worry peoples this one is not about her even though she did make me made i love her and for the first time I can actually say I kno she loves me too... Even though like tonite i was goin through it and i needed... well wanted her to be there for me i just wanted that pink nd black font to pop up on my screen nd read "aww baby wats rong" I would been all better then but nooooo she was too buzy tlkin to other ppl (sigh) idk but back to business
This one is kinda just about me: okay so like.....I think that its time for me to let some things nd ppl out of my life. i need to get my real friends straight and let some things from my past go. These people just keep popping up from before and it like dang what do you want?
I had this talk with my mom the other day and we both started crying from stuff that happened before wayy back on 180 Cheltenham Ave. and its like wow we rlly came a long way from that. And thats exactly where i want it to stay. Now its like i don't want the ghosts nd the nightmares from my past to reappear. I don't wanna have to be afraid to go to sleep at night in fear of what I might dream about... I don't wanna wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night then sit up in fear to go back to sleep. I want things to stay the way they are...
& it kills me cuz some of my closest friends say they get me and its like you have no idea... I still really haven't really found that one person tho that I can really open up to I don't know if I ever will.. Its not that im willing its just every other friend i really got close to just let me down so i mean yea i have bestfriends but that real deep closeness will always be just out of my comfort zone. But people don't know have the stuff I've been through, seen,....done... any of it and it just amazes me when people try to tell me that they get me its like just wow.... Finally I guess i want all my friends to be happy i mean I try to do everything i can to solve their problems but then its either im meddling or i mess up in the act and screw sum1 else over and liek ugh.. yea you get it (ihope).... Oh nd also to.... you AM4 why do you still love me i mean you can't make me feel this way i mean ugh i hate you for doing this but at the same time when i occasionally see you its like damn i had that and it was good too but you didn't wanna trust me or just keep your gosh darn mouth shut... I still remember that day we walked the city Ugh i still think about that day sometimes and I really loved it...(dispite who was there)....i have no right to leave and I have every right to leave.... what our past was is nothing more that a tattoo as jordan sparks said... it will always be there but it can never be anything more than what it is a tattoo.... i guess thats it for right now I got some big decisions to make in my life and a short time to make them so wish me luck ppl.... SC? SS? I hate myself for even typing that!
-SLiM
This one is kinda just about me: okay so like.....I think that its time for me to let some things nd ppl out of my life. i need to get my real friends straight and let some things from my past go. These people just keep popping up from before and it like dang what do you want?
I had this talk with my mom the other day and we both started crying from stuff that happened before wayy back on 180 Cheltenham Ave. and its like wow we rlly came a long way from that. And thats exactly where i want it to stay. Now its like i don't want the ghosts nd the nightmares from my past to reappear. I don't wanna have to be afraid to go to sleep at night in fear of what I might dream about... I don't wanna wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night then sit up in fear to go back to sleep. I want things to stay the way they are...
& it kills me cuz some of my closest friends say they get me and its like you have no idea... I still really haven't really found that one person tho that I can really open up to I don't know if I ever will.. Its not that im willing its just every other friend i really got close to just let me down so i mean yea i have bestfriends but that real deep closeness will always be just out of my comfort zone. But people don't know have the stuff I've been through, seen,....done... any of it and it just amazes me when people try to tell me that they get me its like just wow.... Finally I guess i want all my friends to be happy i mean I try to do everything i can to solve their problems but then its either im meddling or i mess up in the act and screw sum1 else over and liek ugh.. yea you get it (ihope).... Oh nd also to.... you AM4 why do you still love me i mean you can't make me feel this way i mean ugh i hate you for doing this but at the same time when i occasionally see you its like damn i had that and it was good too but you didn't wanna trust me or just keep your gosh darn mouth shut... I still remember that day we walked the city Ugh i still think about that day sometimes and I really loved it...(dispite who was there)....i have no right to leave and I have every right to leave.... what our past was is nothing more that a tattoo as jordan sparks said... it will always be there but it can never be anything more than what it is a tattoo.... i guess thats it for right now I got some big decisions to make in my life and a short time to make them so wish me luck ppl.... SC? SS? I hate myself for even typing that!
-SLiM
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Losing People (1 Last Time)
Because of your ass some people are starting to feel certain ways about me
They don't say it But I can tell what they are feeling
Your wasted and still are wasting my time
Lie you make me so fucking angry it doesn't make sense
Like right now im feeling so much but I don't even know what to write
I didn't even finish my damn hw cuz' i don't fucking know what to write
Because I can't fucking concentrate
I sware If I lose my bestfriends
Because I can't help the way I'm acting because I can't help the way your acting
I will never forgive you for that
This relationship seems like its about who has more power over who
I'm not trying to play that game but obviously you are...
& you know what
fuck it
im going to have to lose
tomorrow
I'm sorry inner-self but
I just can't do this anymore
like this happens everyday
maybe i should just talk to her
not on no lovey shit
hell fucking no
just tell her look this can't keep happening we can't continue on like this
yea that's what ill do....
I'm gonna put myself out there for her
1 last time
this is it for me
I swear tomorrow is it
do or die
i hate how I'm the one trying
I'm the one dying
I AM THE ONE CRYING
not you
I don't care wtf you say
nd yet at the same time i still trust you...
It would be some real fucking salty shit if i got out and get shot then what
where the fuck would you be then
fuckin salty as shit
I just want to scream.....
Look at what your doing
I HATE YOU
but love you at the same time......
I changed this game for your ass
those wasn't just words
I meant that shit
with all my damn heart....
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
..............
Why are you doing this
why......
why........
why..........
I need to know
I need to
I need you...
i can't keep crying........
I can't keep trying....
i can't make you love me if that's something you wont feel
or don't want to feel
you will never get over what i did
but yet i forgive you
for everything you do?
or should i say don't do....
FUCK YOU
I swear this is it 1 last chance
i promise my heart
this is your last chance
ha look at this...crying agen...not nothing new for these past 2 weeks now
thats been the norm
Once again...It's all on you.......
Will you let me live?
or will you let me die............
They don't say it But I can tell what they are feeling
Your wasted and still are wasting my time
Lie you make me so fucking angry it doesn't make sense
Like right now im feeling so much but I don't even know what to write
I didn't even finish my damn hw cuz' i don't fucking know what to write
Because I can't fucking concentrate
I sware If I lose my bestfriends
Because I can't help the way I'm acting because I can't help the way your acting
I will never forgive you for that
This relationship seems like its about who has more power over who
I'm not trying to play that game but obviously you are...
& you know what
fuck it
im going to have to lose
tomorrow
I'm sorry inner-self but
I just can't do this anymore
like this happens everyday
maybe i should just talk to her
not on no lovey shit
hell fucking no
just tell her look this can't keep happening we can't continue on like this
yea that's what ill do....
I'm gonna put myself out there for her
1 last time
this is it for me
I swear tomorrow is it
do or die
i hate how I'm the one trying
I'm the one dying
I AM THE ONE CRYING
not you
I don't care wtf you say
nd yet at the same time i still trust you...
It would be some real fucking salty shit if i got out and get shot then what
where the fuck would you be then
fuckin salty as shit
I just want to scream.....
Look at what your doing
I HATE YOU
but love you at the same time......
I changed this game for your ass
those wasn't just words
I meant that shit
with all my damn heart....
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
..............
Why are you doing this
why......
why........
why..........
I need to know
I need to
I need you...
i can't keep crying........
I can't keep trying....
i can't make you love me if that's something you wont feel
or don't want to feel
you will never get over what i did
but yet i forgive you
for everything you do?
or should i say don't do....
FUCK YOU
I swear this is it 1 last chance
i promise my heart
this is your last chance
ha look at this...crying agen...not nothing new for these past 2 weeks now
thats been the norm
Once again...It's all on you.......
Will you let me live?
or will you let me die............
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